Time Heals All Wounds? My Apologies for This Harmful Lie!

Has anyone ever told you "you should be over it by now"? 

In Episode 23 of Graced for the Journey, I'm offering my sincerest apology on behalf of anyone who's ever made you feel like your grief has an expiration date.

Today, we're busting the dangerous myth that "time heals all wounds." Because here's the truth: time alone doesn't heal grief—it just makes you better at surviving it.

Real healing requires the right tools, proper support, and most importantly, permission to grieve at YOUR pace - not someone else's timeline.

In this episode, I share:

• Why "you should be over it by now" is one of the most harmful things you can say to someone grieving

• The difference between surviving grief and actually healing from it

• Why your grief timeline doesn't have to match anyone else's

• What real healing looks like (spoiler: you'll still have moments of sadness, and that's okay)

• My personal story of losing my daughter Marie and discovering that healing is possible

Whether you've experienced child loss, miscarriage, divorce, job loss, or you're grieving a life that didn't turn out the way you planned—your pain is valid. You don't have to "just get over it," but you also don't have to stay stuck in survival mode forever.

You have permission to grieve. You have permission to take your time. And you also have permission to heal.

Download "Your Complimentary Grief Recovery Guide": 

Visit: amariehealing.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:38

So I'd like to offer you my apologies, my sincerest apologies on behalf of anyone that's ever told you that you should be over it by now. Hey beautiful people, my name is Sharanda, and I'm the founder of Amory Healing and certified grief recovery specialist. Today we are busting the myth that time heals all wounds and you should be over it by now. Has anybody ever told you that enough time is gone and you should just be over it by now? Or what you went through was not that bad and you should be good by now. The example that comes to mind is someone who experienced child child loss in the sense of a miscarriage versus someone who experienced child loss in the sense of a child that actually came to Earth and was here for a while and then died. It's still loss. People like to say, well, at least you didn't have the baby yet. At least the baby wasn't born yet. And so much, so much insensitive things that they really just have no placing. Another thing people say a lot is, oh, that's that's not that bad. Maybe there was a divorce, or maybe a person lost a job, and the grief that this individual is experiencing is heavy for them. But for another person, it looks so minor and so small. But haven't we heard the phrase before that he that wears the shoe knows exactly where it hurts? It's so wrong and insensitive for us to look at another person's situation and just assume that they should be over it by now. Now, I'm a strong believer in healing. I do believe in grief being a stage. However, it's not a stage that looks the same for person A and person B. It's not a stage that has the same timeline for person A and person B. Person A is not gonna heal the same way person B is gonna heal. I do believe in healing, but I don't believe in judging somebody without giving them tools and without giving them support and just telling them that they should just be over it by now. So I'm sorry for everyone that said, Oh, you can get another job. I apologize for everyone that said you can have another baby. I apologize for every person that's told you that's plenty fishing to see. Why are you crying over that person? I am sorry for everyone that made you feel like you had to hide your heartbreak and hide your emotions and hide your feelings just to make them feel comfortable because they thought that you should be over it by now. Yet they didn't provide you any support or any tools to get over it. Grief is not linear, it does not go from point A to point B in a very neat line. It's messy, it's very messy. Some days there's smiles, some days there's a complete breakdown. Some days you can start off wonderful, and some days you start off not wanting to get out of bed. It looks different for everyone, and time alone is not gonna make you just get over it, it's what you actually do in this time. Now, I must say it's going to take a desire and an effort to want to smile again and to want to be happy again, but it won't happen just because time is passing. Society has presented this myth that time alone is going to heal all wounds, like time alone, time heals all wounds, and are the wounds really being healed, or are you just getting busy enough and getting caught up in other things, but have not yet dealt with that wound? I will tell you one thing, time does though, it will tell. Because when there's a trigger and that healing has not taken place, it's going to show, and it will hurt. Time alone does not heal grief. I mean, it makes you better at surviving it. You're in survival mode for longer than you should be, but you're in survival mode and you're probably honestly doing okay because you've seen people just deal with stuff, just get over it, and or say that you're getting over it. So you put up a front and you just put on a bull face and go. And while I'm a firm believer in perseverance and resilience, I still believe that wounds have to be addressed. Hurt people, hurt people. We've heard it time and time and time again. And grief is a wound. Grief is hurting. Usually, when people are grieving, they're actually hurting. So it's something that has to be dealt with. Real healing happens when you have the right tools and the resources. When you decide that, yes, I'm grieving, but I want to make space for joy and happiness. When you learn how to process your emotions instead of just enduring them, when you find a way to honor your loss while creating space for new memories and for wonderful things to still happen. So the goal isn't just to survive this grief. The goal is not to survive this grief. We want to thrive, we want to heal properly so that new purpose or purpose that was already there can be pulled out and we can become our better selves. We can become better versions of ourselves. We don't want to just survive and just be going day to day while this deep wound is just still sitting there. But time alone is not gonna do that for you. Now, healing doesn't mean that you're never gonna cry again. It does not mean that you'll never have moments of sadness again. Because let's be real, this is somebody who was really dear to you, or this is a job that was really dear to you, or a pet that was dear to you, whatever it is that you're grieving, or even an idea that was really dear to your heart, or a vision that didn't come to pass the way you want it to be. So, you know, you connected with it, you connected with them. So they're gone. You're gonna feel that. That doesn't mean you're never gonna be sad again. That doesn't mean you're never gonna cry again. You're gonna miss that person, that thing, those experiences. You will miss it. But healing means that now you can talk about this experience and you can talk about this person and talk about your loss without falling apart. It means finding a way to honor whatever has happened, honor your experiences. It means that grief doesn't control your entire life anymore. It means that you're not waking up and just going through the emotions every single day of your life. Yes, there is a time for that. There are times when that may happen, especially when the grief is very fresh and very acute, or it has not been dealt with, and then there's a trigger. So that does happen, but it does not have to happen once provided with the right tools and the right support to help you get over it. Time is not healing grief, it's just ticking. It's just ticking. We want to get to the place where we have purpose again, where we believe in ourselves again, where we want to turn this bad situation into something honorable for ourselves, into something worth helping others, into something beautiful while still honoring what has happened. Please, I don't care if it's been six months, it's been six years, it's been six days, your situation does not have to look like the other person, especially the person that's probably talking the loudest. Your healing does not have to look like they're healing. I love healing. I am so passionate about seeing people healed and seeing people overcome their trauma and overcome all the negative things that have happened to them and all the bad experiences. I absolutely love it. But I don't like the pressure from other people on those individuals that are in it without validating their feelings, without giving them proper resources or tools for their support and just telling them to get over it. So I want to validate you. I want to validate your feelings. I don't know exactly what you're going through or what you've been through, but I want to validate that today. But I also want to tell you that you don't have to be stuck in your pain forever. You don't have to wake up crying every single day for the rest of your life. And you also don't have to be over it yet. So if I may, you have permission to grieve. You have permission to express yourself. You have permission to not have the same timeline as your neighbor, but you also have permission to heal. You have permission to tell people that your grief does not have to align with their timeline. But you also have permission to not just manage your pain, not just cope with your pain, but heal. If grief is something that you're dealing with today and you have not yet found the right support, feel free to book a 30-minute consultation with me. The link will be down below. And let's talk about it, let's chat about it. Two years ago, I lost my six-year-old daughter, and I didn't even realize that I was even grieving before that because for the six years that she was here with us, her life looked different than an average six-year-old. Uh, she had a very severe diagnosis, and I didn't realize that I was walking around grieving what I thought life should have looked like for that entire time. So, for a good six years and some, I was in a state of grief and it affected me tremendously. It affected my family tremendously, and I love her. I miss her, but I'm gonna tell you, healing feels great. Healing feels good. I often look back and I'm like, if I did not allow myself to heal, if I did not want to take those steps, if I did if I did not listen to the right voices and use the right tools around me, what about my other kids? What about my family? What about my husband? What about my future? What about my person, purpose? What about you? I would not have had this passion to see people heal had I not allowed myself to heal. So I want to encourage you to want to heal. There is purpose that is still inside of you that can be pulled out, but we have to heal first, but we don't have to do it with anybody else's timeline. So go ahead, book that consultation, let's chat, let's get to know each other a little bit more. It's a space that we can honor you right where you are, but we can focus on real healing tools that can transform your pain into purpose. And I want to see you healed. If this has resonated with you in any way, or you know somebody that's really going through grief, or someone that's under pressure to just get over it, please, please, please share it with them. Please validate them, let them know that, hey, I know I may not know exactly what you're going through, but healing is possible. But don't look at your timeline, don't compare your timeline to the other person. So here's what I want you to take away today. Your grief is not too much. It may have taken a while, but the fact that you're here right now means that you're probably ready to make the next step. It did not take too long. It's the perfect timing for you. You may be feeling pain right now, but it does not have to be your permanent reality. With the right tools and support, you can definitely honor your loss and heal from it at the same time. And remember, beautiful soul, you are graced for it all, all of it. The grief, the pain, the heartache. Right where you are right now, you have enough grace with you to get through and to get to the next step. But you're also graced for where you're going. Until next time, be gentle with yourself and give yourself some grace. Love you. See you next time.